21 witty self-love quotes and tips on how you can learn to love yourself better
We might think self-love should come naturally. Perhaps that’s true.
But the reality is that most of us have issues with self-love.
Why do we have problems with loving ourselves?
Because we are conditioned to try
- to please others,
- to be perfect,
- not to fail,
- to be someone we are not.
1. Be true to yourself.
Not an easy task, though it might seem so.
Often the people around us are far from happy when we start to make a change. We tell our opinion, we talk about our needs or just do what we feel like the right thing to do.
There are hidden family dynamics (something similar goes for workplaces) which are built on the silent consent that we keep ourselves to the rules.
We might be forced to confront other people’s expectations.
Sometimes we will have to dare to step out of the box,
As we start becoming our true self, we immediately cross that line, and we may encounter adverse reactions, like:
- emotional blackmailing
- discouraging comments
- and a lot more depending on the creativity of the other party.
The reason is that by not complying with the role we used to be in, we become less controllable and thus threatening on a subconscious level.
Our reactions might seem
- egoistic (there is a healthy dose of egoism, which is no other than else than the respect for the divine in us) and
But on the other side, we have a lot more to gain: our true selves.
That is where the adventure starts.
2. Self-love is not easy.
We have to face and embrace our weaknesses, our imperfections.
Do you know what most people find it hardest to forgive themselves?
It is when they sacrifice their true self.
How can I love myself when I have sacrificed the future of my kids just to stay with a narcissictic monster, because I’m so scared to be left alone?
Many things can make us feel that we don’t deserve our love. But that way we close ourselves into is a vicious circle. The first step towards recovery is to forgive – ourselves.
Will it be easy? No.
Is it worth it? Definitely!
3. Face yourself in all your glory and misery
Self-discovery is painful at times.
Because of all the expectations under which we bury ourselves.
- Our expectations
- the expectations of our parents
- friends and even
Most people whom I meet in hypnosis sessions are astonished when they find out how many expectations they carried thinking that others want them to be that way. When these clients dig deeper into their feelings, they realize that those are IMAGINARY expectations. Something they only PRESUME the world holds for them.
My father never seemed to forgive me my mistakes. Now I know, he was afraid deep inside that he wasn’t good enough. It were his own mistakes he couldn’t let go of. With me, he just wanted to save me from the same fate. He wanted to spare me from the misery he lived in.
In most cases, it turns out that people misunderstand the “expectations” and ideas of their relatives and partners.
4. Let go of co-dependency
Dependency is when we rely on others to meet our needs, and we feel that without them those needs will never be fulfilled.
We want that they give us their attention,
their love, their trust,
we desire true intimacy,
we want to feel needed and respected.
The less we can grant ourselves these feelings the more we will require them from others.
We often call it love. Mad love.
In fact is it – sorry to sound rude, but that is a severe issue to sugar-coat it – longing for emotional nutrition.
It never creates a healthy balance on the long run.
That’s why we need to learn to nurture our inner child and become equal partners.
5. Stop lying to yourself
It usually starts with little lies. Not even lies, just small distortions of the truth,
We lie to ourselves about our
- real needs,
Many societies encourage that tendency.
Boys don’t cry.
So the child learns to detach itself from its feelings, regard them as invalid, improper, even harmful.
It wasn’t that bad. Other families have it a lot worse.
We explain to ourselves that the pain we feel, the abuse we went through or that the hurt we were put through is insignificant.
Sometimes we even start believing that we don’t deserve any better.
Honesty is the cure, although it can hurt. It is not even honesty that hurts, but the fact that we denied ourselves.
6. Embrace your female and male energies
My practice shows it isn’t.
Just like with emotions, we often suppress our feminine or masculine side. It doesn’t matter to which sex we belong, we all have these energies.
Our heads are full of ideas, beliefs, and expectations about
- how we should be as a woman/man
- what women/men should be like
- what the other sex expects
- what is the right way to express our female/male energies
- and what is wrong.
I believe you could also write a list of all the expectations our culture our beliefs (religion included) and the people around us have.
Tension comes when our inner natural energy flow doesn’t correspond with
- the expectations and
- the learned patterns we follow.
7. Stop pulling yourself down
I was not aware of the extent to which we pull ourselves down (consistently!) until I started doing hypnosis sessions, first with my family and friends, then with clients.
Today I have the impression that it affects about 65-75% of the population.
It is those voices that buzz in the back of our heads saying:
- “Oh, you can’t do that.”
- “Watch out! You will blow it like the last time.”
- “See that look in their eyes? They find your idea stupid; they are just too polite to tell you about it.”
- “He’s bored with you.”
- “Finish your sentence fast. Nobody is interested.”
- “You are an unimportant little nothing.”
- “You are a failure.” etc.
We need to become aware of this nasty little voice and distinguish it from our reality.
Even if that malicious voice whispers in our heads that we are unlovable, do we have to believe it?
As you start to doubt it more and more, it loses its control over you.
8. Discover who you are
We might think that to know our needs our interests and our desires is natural. It comes like breathing.
We are utterly wrong.
Most us have lost the connection to the subconscious parts of the self and can no longer tell what we need.
There is a big difference in
- what we think we want
- what we are expected to want
- what we are taught to want
- and what we sincerely, genuinely desire.
That is why so many people lose their motivation and purpose.
The solution is to RECONNECT with the parts of the self we so far denied.
9. Learn to accept yourself
Hard, hard, hard.
We will have to reach deep and change our ideas and belief systems to the core.
- Is being weak a sin? Rethink. If you hold to that belief, you will deny the parts of you that show weakness. You can’t grow strong without accepting vulnerability and learning to transform it into strength.
- Is failure a bad thing? If so, you will be afraid to take risks and learn.
- Are your problems a reason to feel ashamed? Do you feel guilty because you didn’t meet expectations or because others wanted you to feel that way?
- Do you feel you don’t deserve much?
- Do you think having healthy boundaries is egoism? Just think about it.
Those are a few breadcrumbs, which help you to start revising your limiting ideas.
10. Don’t let your relationships define who you are
Some people let their relationships be their only role. They want to please.
For many reasons. Among them:
- being afraid to take responsibility for themselves
- being afraid to lose the relationship
- not being able to meet their own needs etc.
What do you feel, does this apply to you?
11. Learn to respect yourself by accepting and fulfilling your needs
We often don’t learn to respect ourselves.
That’s why we might become sensitive, and expect others to show us their respect and attention.
These can be warning signs, pay attention to them.
How can I respect myself? There’s not much to be respected in my miserable life.
We need to understand that it is the divine in us that we have to show respect.
And the most prominent way of doing that is by meeting our needs.
12. Step up for yourself. Set up your boundaries. Learn to say NO.
You not only have the right to be true to yourself, but it is something you were born to do.
Now that you know what your emotional and physical needs are and you learned to show respect for them, you need to set your boundaries.
- Do I want that?
- Is there a tension in me in connection with it?
- Am I expected to do that?
- Am I afraid of the consequences?
- Would I suggest that to my daughter/son? Etc.
Soon you will learn how to tell if something goes against your feelings and interests. Then the next step is to learn to say no.
Don’t be afraid. People won’t like it at first, but they will get used to it. It is worth the effort.
13. Let go of the old that no longer does you good. Make room for the new.
Letting go of
- old beliefs,
- limiting ideas,
- past relationships,
- habits, etc.
What do you want to let go of today?
14. You are special, too.
It’s not just the movie stars.
Not just the pretty girls in the school.
Not just the Wall Street champions.
You are special, too.
There was nobody like you before, and there never will be. You are just as unique as a snowflake.
That is your most wonderful gift – your unrepeatable, unique self.
15. Dare to be different. Dare to be you.
I have mentioned it above: Being you requires courage. Not everyone will be excited about the change. But it is worth it because that is the most crucial step towards self-love.
16. Learn to accept compliments and don’t let negative criticism tell you who you are or how you should be.
If criticism or a piece of advice serves you, use it, otherwise, let it go.
Whether it is true or not, if you can’t do about it it is useless to you.
Don’t carry it around like a label.
17. Learn to distinguish between your ego and yourself
We often suppress ourselves thinking that is our ego.
And we strengthen the ego by hurting ourselves.
Ironic, but true.
There is a misconception that self-love is egoistic or even narcissistic.
Narcissists don’t love themselves. They can’t love healthily. What they do is they feed the golem which they have created from their egos.
Loving is accepting and becoming one, a whole again. When we love ourselves, we accept and take in the feeling of love and acceptance. That feeling of oneness encompasses the world. We don’t just feel love. We become love. Literally.
18. You deserve love. You are worthy of love. You were born to be loved.
Let these ideas become your reality.
Do this exercise:
- every morning go to the mirror and
- say these sentences out loud to yourself.
- Repeat them ten times.
Never miss an occasion to tell yourself these suggestions. Even if you can’t say out loud, repeat them to yourself.
19. Learn to quiet your mind and start listening to your soul
Hard task, because our brain is conditioned to focus outwards and on the continually buzzing thoughts.
But this is like a physical exercise. You need to do it again and again. With time the noise will settle, and you will find peace.
If you want to speed things up apply for a few hypnosis sessions
. They teach the nervous system to relax very quickly and profoundly.
It is like climbing a mountain. If you don’t know the shortest way, it will take longer, but if you have a guide, he will teach you the path, so then you’ll be able to climb alone and spare a lot of time and effort.
20. Never ignore your needs.
Remember this rule.
- Your needs are important.
- You are important.
- You can nourish others if you first nourished yourself.
- Ignoring your needs destroys the energetic balance, and you will inevitably drain the energy of others.
- Nourish yourself in a healthy and balanced way, both physically and emotionally.
21. Discover your divine Higher-Self
- You are divine.
- You have all the resources you need.
- You were born with a purpose. Without you, the world would not be the same, whether you believe it or not.
- You also have a road map to your higher goals.
- And you have the most reliable ally possible: your Divine Higher Self.
- Start listening to it. How? Learn to let go of the noise.
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